January 6 - the Story

We have two posts today. If you are looking for an update of the current happenings, go to the next post.

This one is a continuation of the story - Back to the night it happened.

The fire marshal was great. He brought out a computer and later brought me my purse. He is also the one who told me, "What's done is done. You can't change that. You go on from here." He was a comfort in how he tried to comfort me and help me. They saved some papers that I used the next day to find my insurance agent and having my purse was great. I'll get back to that.

Vernon called Rev. Jesse Jennings to let him know what was happening and Jesse through Vernon's phone called me. A touchstone to what I believe. What he said, in part, was, "There are other houses, and other things, and bigger better is just waiting to appear. Nothing is loss, doors are opened." I'm paraphrasing, but that is what I heard. It was great.

Someone asked me had I called Tracy or Jim, my children. I had not. They loaned me a phone. Standing in a driveway across the street, I called. That was really hard. There is no easy way to say, "I'm standing across the street watching the house burn." But connecting with them was another lifeline.

While all of this was happening, my neighbors wanted me to go inside and warm up. I could not have said why I couldn't do that at the time, but have thought about it. Still don't think I have found the right words, but somehow I was a witness, a caring soul to what was happening. And this was my call to being in the moment and I could not turn away.

Lorese's son loves taking pictures, remember he is 7 or 8. While Tracy was here they brought over what he shot that night. Some of it is video. I'm glad to have it, and someday I will watch it.

People I knew and people I didn't know offered us a bed for the night. Somehow I decided to let Red Cross help us. I thought they might have advise or a check list or something that we could use. That didn't happen, but they did provide us with a motel room.

Sue and Gerri went to Sue's house and came back with two bags of stuff including a coat, undies, pajamas, blouses, pants, comb, toothbrush, etc. Just all sorts of stuff. So I did have a change of clothes and a way to comb my hair. That was wonderful!

Finally the fire was out and the firemen leaving and all of us were cold. So, we went to Bob's car and left. Bob and I went to Denny's, he had not eaten since lunch. We were there about midnight. I went through my purse. It was a small leather shoulder bag with several compartments. The top was charred black, but as I peeled off the layers my credit cards, my driver's license, several gift cards were all in tact. I had $300 in $100 bills and had just assumed that was all lost. Everyone of them was there. I kept them in different compartments and each was safe. I used one later to pay for something from Tammy's booth at Crazy Daizy and she gave it back to me. I have it on my desk, it is a little burnt on the edges and somehow has become a symbol of just how blessed I am. I may frame it. Again, I can't explain exactly what it means to me but it means a lot.

It was 2 AM before we laid down to sleep. That didn't come for me. At 6 I thought I have to get up and make a list, by 6:30 I was on my way to Wal-Mart. There are lots of folks at Wal-Mart at 6:30 AM. I bought things like moisturizer for my face, shoes for my feet and a velour pant suit I thought would be OK for Sunday. I was already thinking about what I needed for Sunday.

It was good to be in a non-discript place that first night. And how thankful we were on the second night to be at Sue's. We stayed with Sue two nights and she is a wonderful hostess. She gave us a refuge.

Tuesday morning I called Tracy to ask for her help and let her know we were OK. She said Mom I have already checked and get a flight out and be in Louisville by 8 that night. At first I hesitated. She has a job and could she really drop everything. I asked Bob and he said, "have her come!" Tracy told me later she was coming no matter what I said. She stayed until Saturday. What a blessing and comfort. She helped me so much and helped Bob and I move through the process.

When I called her I wanted her to order me undies, socks and a new phone. She brought with her a new phone that is really cool, 8 or 9 pairs of socks and the next day I got a box from Federal Express with 19 pairs of undies. Don't know why 19, not 20, not 18, but 19, but I am abundantly supplied. This is how Tracy is, give her a job and it gets done, ask for a little and get a lot. She is a treasure.

I can write this and smile now. When it was happening I was a very effective crying machine. I don't ever remember being that raw, that on the edge of emotion. Some are going to think well of course you were. But the quality of being in the moment is something I treasure. Being so open to the sadness, the joy, the living, the people surrounding me was a beautiful thing and still is.

Paula shared with me something she wrote about where she was that night and how she felt a connection with a fire that had happened in her family. I will let her share her experience, but mentioned it because it is so special to me and I want to encourage each of you to share your memories.

Love and gratitude,

Rev. Carolyn